You Ain’t Shi*

Why do women base their worth on their ability to get a man?

Obviously, not all women do this but I believe that all woman HAVE done this.

Is it because we’re taught from young ages that our purpose in life is to marry and have children? And then at every family event from age 21+ we’re asked “where’s your boyfriend?” and “when are you going to have kids?”

Or is it because every time we show one of our few imperfections (💁🏾) we’re told “and THAT’S why you’re single!” Which forces us to begin doubting ourselves and wanting to change things about ourselves to become more attractive.

I’m not sure where it stems from, but I know that it’s very real. We’re all victims of it and quite honestly we probably perpetuate it as well. Biblical women and even characters from early and current writers battle this same narrative – it’s like this nagging thought that you aren’t shit unless you can get a good man to take care of you. (Which I don’t agree with!)

I often think about my current 5 year plan and some of my goals include the words boyfriend, commitment and marriage. So I wonder if when I’m 30, and potentially still single, will I feel unsuccessful? Or will I actively try hard these next few years to achieve these relationship goals, placing even more pressure on myself to be seen, to be attractive, to be considered wifey material?

Honestly …. I wish I could say probably not but I know that marriage is a big time goal of mine and nothing’s wrong with that. BUT what would be wrong is if I mentally beat myself up because a relationship failed, no one approached me at the bar, or because I’m home alone on a Friday night.

You know, even if I don’t get married by the time I’m 30 I’m still a worthy human being. I’m still the shit regardless!

So whatever your relationship status or relationship goals, remind yourself that you are the shit and will always be the shit! You don’t need a man to know your worth. And in the same breath, there’s nothing wrong with wanting a man either! Do you boo!



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