Tag Archives: Black Girl Magic

First Of All…

Imagine that you’ve been going steady with this guy …

A298F3C2-EBE6-431E-9933-09DD18B08332

You and Greg have been dating for almost a month now and things are great! You have similar personalities and a lot in common, which makes it easy to talk for hours without it getting awkward.

Greg’s in school to become a dentist so he’s pretty busy, but when he is free he makes sure to make time for you. He’s a sweetheart and loves to take you out. But tonight you’re in the mood to Netflix and Chill, however you don’t want to come on too strong. Luckily Greg just texted you to ask if he could bring you dinner tonight. You smile from ear to ear realizing once again that you two are really always on the same page!

You agree and he says he’s on his way. Now you’re giddy and excited like a little school girl! You freshen up and tidy up your apartment. He’s never visited your place so your nervous about his first impression. You light a candle to set the mood, but decide to put on basic leggings and a t-shirt so you avoid looking like you’re trying too hard.

Finally! Greg calls, he’s outside. You let him in and he instantly embraces you. His hug warms you and gives you butterflies. Instantly you can tell that tonight’s gunna be a good night. You decide to show Greg around your apartment before diving into the Thai food he picked up for you. Afterwards you two settle on the couch with the takeout. You sit very close to each other with your knees touching. You agree to watch something chill like Bob’s Burgers so you wouldn’t really care if you missed a scene or two.

Now you’re both done eating and you move closer together, to you know Netflix and chill. Greg starts to stare at you making you blush. He gently moves in to kiss you on the cheek and you get a whiff of his breathe. It nearly knocks you TF out! You secretly check your own breath to make sure it wasn’t you, but luckily your breath just smells like peanut sauce.  Now you’re utterly confused! You both ate the same thing for dinner.

And then Greg leans in again. This time to kiss you on the lips. But now you’re certain! His breath is brutal. You come to the conclusion that he’s got to have several dying teeth in his mouth for it to smell that terrible. But what’s worse is that he’s completely unaware!

You don’t want to be rude, but you can’t take it anymore. So this time when he leans in for a kiss you awkwardly jump up and blurt out that you forgot that you have to get up early tomorrow morning.

Greg takes the hint and heads to the door. You apologize, but he seems understanding. Before leaving he leans in for a final kiss. You panic! You don’t know what to do. So you turn your face to the left allowing him to kiss you on your cheek. And thankfully he leaves.

Now you’re alone and you can’t stop laughing as you clean up the Thai food. Then you get a text from Greg. It says “Why did you wanna Netflix and chill if you was gunna act like that?” You start your reply “First of all”…

 

Ok. Let’s be real!

Would you tell him the truth? Leave a comment telling me how you would’ve responded to Greg after this failed Netflix and chill date.  

Personally I really don’t know what I would’ve said. If I wanted to continue seeing him I probably would’ve made up a little white lie. It’s hilarious because he’s a dentistry student with gingivitist!!

Many parts of this date from hell story are not true. However, there was a time when I was seeing a guy whose breath ended our relationship. It was just that simple! #HygieneMatters 😭

IMG_3130

Advertisements

3 Strikes & You’re Out

Imagine that you’re talking to someone new … 

3A550D68-DBBA-4B88-824D-DC647719DC8C

You’ve been talking to “Dante” for a week or so now. He calls you during the day just to check in and see how you’re doing. And from what you can tell he seems like the type to send you flowers at work and bring you ice cream during your time of month … up until now he seems like a winner so you agree to your very first date.

Against your better judgement, you allow him to pick you up from your house. Because, hell, chivalry isn’t dead! He meets you at your front door, opens the car door for you, and makes sure you’re comfortable before pulling off.

But in the back of your head you’re very disappointed at first glance. He hasn’t told you where he’s taking you and it feeds more into his romantic character, but you’re dressed for the occasion and he has on a polo shirt, denim shorts and sneakers. You’re not vain, but you believe his lack of effort says a lot about him. Therefore this is strike number one.

When you first met Dante you thought he looked good! And even in his pictures and on FaceTime he looked very cute and charming. Not a 10, but he was attractive then. So you brush it off because you realize that it’s just an outfit.

You continue to psyche yourself up, and now you’re thinking about the full picture. He’s a good guy, okay looking, and respectful so you’re willing to give it a chance.

// Even though you’re into him you’re not dumb! Before you leave you share your location with your bestie. You also describe the make and model of the car. Luckily she already has a picture of Dante so you’re good to go! //

Finally, you two pull into what seems like a deserted lot and you look up. It’s a Chinese buffet. Okay! Unfortunately that’s strike number two. Buffets are corny as hell for initial dates. Not that he needs to spend money to catch your eye, but you’re disappointed because a buffet is not surprise worthy and honestly explains his lax outfit.

But because you like him and the conversation has been good up until this point, you agree to go in. Dante seems unaware of the strikes he’s accumulated and continues being very chivalrous. He pulls out your chair for you and even offers to fix you a plate with your favorite foods. Although you’re at a Chinese buffet on your first date you’re still giving it a chance.

When you and Dante are done eating you decide to head home. In the car you can tell that he thinks it has been a successful date. He’s getting comfortable and starts holding your hand. You make him so comfortable that he feels like he can open up to you more than he has before. He starts talking about his ex girlfriend 🤦🏾‍♀️ Initially you’re interested to hear his take on what went wrong, but when he won’t shut up you realize that he’s still into her. Strike number three! 

Now you can’t wait to get home and delete his number. He has a good heart, but he’s just not the one. So how do you tell him?

You’ve finally made it home and you’re running down the date and strikes with your bestie and Dante calls. You answer. He tells you how much he enjoyed your company, the conversation, the food, and your smile. And you can’t deny it, you actually enjoyed parts of the date. But in the back of your head his three strikes are nagging you.

So you tell him that you guys should just be friends. You explain that it felt like you’ve known him for a while – it was so easy talking to him, there wasn’t any romantic pressures, instead it felt like you were catching up with an old friend. 😉

1F7B2CDA-35DC-45E5-AD9A-A3B62D230377

Let’s be real!

Should you tell him the truth? … about the three strikes? Personally I would only tell him if I thought he’d receive it well and could use it as advice in the future. Maybe even just tell him the partial truth; for example, suggest that he call his ex gf because he has some unresolved feelings for her. But only dedicate time and energy if you think it’s worth it.

Ok. Ok. Let’s be even more real!

So you’re probably wondering where this date from hell came from! Well to be completely transparent, it was inspired by my own dating experiences. Yes! A guy did take me to a Chinese buffet in denim shorts down to his ankles and then talk endlessly about his ex. And yes I did tell him that I felt like he was an old friend!

For me the easiest way to get out of an unwanted “relationship” is to use the friend card! No guy wants to hear that you like him as a friend, so it makes the perfect excuse when you’re trying to let him down gently!

 

IMG_3130

Oh Baby!

05342EAD-D845-4B06-BB7B-F3E3C824C181

A month ago, I gave birth to my guardian angel Margaux Arya. Since then it’s been a huge learning curve; everything I thought I knew has kinda gone out the window because who’s ever truly prepared? And also, she’s quite unique.

Prior to delivery I bought two parenting books and read countless articles to prepare, I still use them as references, especially when I have a burning question, but I’ve learned to just listen to my body and Margaux and all will be well. I am by no means an expert, but I thought it’d be interesting to share my experience so far.

The Pregnancy

 

My pregnancy was pretty uneventful up until the third trimester. I didn’t suffer from extreme morning sickness, just the usual tiredness and fatigue. Though I can say that my emotions were extremely high! I continued teaching until the middle of my fifth month of pregnancy and threatened to quit nearly every other day. I was super moody and all the way in my feelings about everything! Most of my students didn’t know that I was pregnant so they continued with their regular antics! I had to quickly learn to let a lot go so I wouldn’t stress myself and the baby out.

Then the third trimester came. I stupidly hurt myself while running after a younger cousin, forcing myself on unwanted bedrest for the remaining weeks. I could barely walk and it was extremely painful getting out of bed. At this point I hated being pregnant and wanted it to end! My belly was super sized, I could barely breathe, and the pelvic pressure was intense. I purchased a pregnancy belt which supported my belly tremendously.

The Birth Story

 

At 36 weeks I began to experience Braxton hicks contractions at night. They didn’t hurt, but were uncomfortable. Then one Friday night I begin to experience pain that was rhythmic, lasted for hours, but then stopped. I was able to sleep through this pain, so I knew I wasn’t in labor, but through research I found that I had experienced prodromal labor. These contractions were considered real contractions, however I wasn’t in active labor. So the pregnancy continued.

As my due date approached I began practicing a few techniques that would help soften my cervix and prepare my body for labor. I drank raspberry leaf tea every morning, bounced on a yoga ball a few times per day, went on daily walks, and began pumping for nipple stimulation. At my 39 week check up my doctor told me not to call unless my contractions were so bad that I couldn’t talk through them or unless my water broke. So I waited.

On Friday September 15th I was so sure that I was going into labor – my contractions were about seven minutes apart and although I could talk through them, they kinda stopped me in my tracks. But as the night went on they grew further apart. So I went to sleep. I was getting frustrated because I didn’t want to go beyond my due date and I didn’t want to be induced. But that was looking more and more likely.

On Saturday the 16th my contractions continued. I monitored them but they were all over the place; sometimes they were 2 minutes apart and other times they were 12 minutes apart. So I started to lose hope. And then my water broke around 6:30pm. I had just laid down in bed when I felt a liquid trickling down my thighs. I knew I hadn’t peed on myself, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up so I turned to google. I searched “how do you know if your water broke” and one article said the liquid would smell sweet or like chlorine and sure enough my liquid smelled like chlorine. So I took a shower and rested. I made sure the liquid continued to drip onto a pad confirming, yet again, that my water did break. I took my time – I tidied up our room and double checked our hospital bag.

I arrived at the hospital around 9pm. Once my nurse confirmed that my water did indeed break with litmus paper, she gave me some medicine to make my contractions stronger. She had noted that my contractions weren’t that strong, nor were they frequent. But boy did that quickly change. The new contractions were unlike anything I had ever felt, but they were bearable.

Around midnight my nurse checked my cervix and I was 3 cm dilated. So the journey continued. I was excited to hear how far along I was because my obgyn never completed cervix checks during my weekly visits so this was all new to me. Through the night the contractions continued to get stronger and closer together. They were a consistent seven minutes apart and made me want to scream at the top of my lungs. I honestly thought I was going to die but I at the same time I was so sure that I was 6 cm or more dilated and that the end was near. At this point I tried walking the hospital halls and swaying back and forth but I felt like shit.

At 3am my nurse came back to check my cervix and I was still 3cm dilated. This news was like a blow to the stomach. It made me question everything I thought I knew about giving birth. Prior to this I had planned to have a natural birth, but the pain was excruciating and I wasn’t making any progress so I opted for the epidural. And honestly it was the best decision I’ve ever made. The pain of the needle pricks was worth the instant gratification! Finally, I was able to go to sleep. Earlier my nurse warned us that we’d need all the rest we could get to make it through the delivery. So I slept like a baby!

When I woke up the next morning, I expected a nurse to instantly check my cervix but they were adamant about me getting my rest. Around 10am my new nurse checked my cervix and I was 6cm dilated and around noon I was 8cm. I was excited and nervous. I was moments away from meeting the parasite that lived off of me for 40 weeks, I mean my precious baby. Then finally around 3:30pm the doctor said I was 10cm dilated and was ready to push.

Okay so I didn’t take any of those preparation classes so I had no idea what I was in for.

1) I couldn’t move my legs because of the epidural; it was like dead weight and my brain was sending signals for them to move but they couldn’t.

2) I was told to push whenever I felt pressure, but I could barely feel anything because of the epidural.

And

3) I was told to push like I had to shit, but that proved to be ineffective because well duh! Babies don’t come out your ass!

So I started to get frustrated, I was tired and I didn’t feel like I was making any progress and it was a much slower process than I had anticipated. And then just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I threw up all over myself like 3 times. I felt my mouth start to water and I tried to get out of the bed, but the IV stand and other equipment were in the way, and most importantly I couldn’t move my legs because of the epidural. By now I was over it and wanted to be done with this experience altogether. After getting cleaned up, I was ready to go. As soon as I felt pressure I started to push with all my might.

My doctor was determined to get the baby out, she climbed into bed with me and at 4:11pm we welcomed Margaux Arya into the world. She weighed 7.8 lbs and was 19.5 inches! Everything was so surreal. As I was pushing I felt a pop and the onlookers all gasped and urged me to continue so I knew her head was out so I kept pushing. And the next thing I knew, there was a warm baby on my chest. She smelled disgusting, but I didn’t want to let her go.

Unfortunately, I had a fever and she was born with a fever so she had to go straight to nicu. I was nervous and scared, and in pain! Once they removed the epidural my back felt like it was broken, I could barely walk and there was blood everywhere. Sorry if that’s TMI, but that’s the real deal. Margaux stayed in nicu for 48 hours and we were finally free to go home Tuesday evening.

Being Home

C33F07F8-809F-4DF1-8A5C-D6C1C7FA0680

The first two weeks home were the hardest! I felt like I had been hit by a car, I wasn’t getting any sleep and I wasn’t producing enough milk. Margaux was down to 7lbs and her pediatrician was forcing me to supplement with formula. I physically and mentally felt like shit.

I felt terrible about giving her formula because I wanted to breastfeed exclusively, but I also felt guilty that she wasn’t getting enough nutrients to grow. And not to mention breastfeeding hurt like a b****! I called a lactation specialist who recommended a few resources before scheduling an appointment, and they really helped. I was able to stop supplementing with formula and by the end of her 2nd week Margaux weighed 8.7lbs and was 21.5 inches. I felt so accomplished!

Sleeping was and still is an issue for us. Margaux can sleep through the night but she’d much rather sleep in my arms. The greatest investment I’ve made thus far was buying a Snuggle Me Organic pillow. It allows us to co-sleep and it snuggles her like she’s being held so sometimes I don’t have to!!

Tips For New Moms

+ During labor expect the unexpected!!

+ Ask for extra pads in the hospital, because they’re free!

+ Make sure your partner or someone is available to assist you during those first two weeks – they’re rough and without help you won’t get any sleep which is necessary for you to properly heal and care for your newborn.

+ Say no to guests if you aren’t feeling up to it.

+ Invest in a Snuggle Me Organic pillow. It’s well worth it! https://www.snugglemeorganic.com

+ Don’t get discouraged about breastfeeding, there’s a ton of resources and help out there.

+ Invest in a breastfeeding pillow, it will save your arms and wrists.

+ Give formula if you want and if necessary.

+ Listen to your body and the baby. In terms of feeding and sleeping, let your baby be the boss!!

+ Sleep when the baby sleeps. This one you’ll hear a lot but it’s truer than true! You can use some of the nap time to get work done around the house or take care of you, but to avoid becoming delirious I suggest that you sleep when she sleeps.

+ You could never have too many receiving blankets for swaddling the little one. Swaddling the baby should be first on this list honestly – babies feel much more comfortable and sleep longer when swaddled!

+ Wait ten minutes after the baby poops, there may be more!!!

+ Get a body wash and lotion set specifically for nighttime with some lavender in it. Your baby and you will thank you.

+ Take hella pictures. They grow so fast! I even made an Instagram for Margaux just so family across the country can stay updated.

+ Record your babes milestones! There’s a ton of free printables online. These are the ones I’m using, I just edited the color to purple http://okiehome.weebly.com/blog/babys-first-year-milestones-free-printable

+ Take care of you when you can and remember to get some fresh air!!!!

xoxo,

IMG_3130

 

Loc Update

It’s been about a year and a half (give or take a few months) since I’ve loc’d my hair and boy has it grown! 🎉🎉🎉 My hair has never been this healthy to be completely honest.

IMG_4598

As you can see my locs have been dying for a retwist and this has been my first real retwist in months. My goal is to remain super low maintenance and only retwist for the upcoming holidays because I want my locs to be shoulder length by this time next year.

E8934313-8C55-491F-A5AC-C8CD26EF73B7

FYI: I dyed my locs using a permanent blonde dye to lighten my hair and a semi permanent magenta-purple for the color and I love it 😍

In July I did braids over my locs for my maternity photo shoot and baby shower. Any look is doable with locs, don’t let anyone tell you that it’s a limiting hairstyle, because it’s not. I’ve even see girls wear long, luscious wigs over their dreads! So again, any look is possible with locs. If you’ve been considering loc’ing your hair just do it! It’s the best hair decision I’ve ever made.

IMG_3130

Do You?

The overall backlash that the neo-nazi, white supremacy, alt-right and KKK groups have received is amazing. However! And I’m sorry to be this person in the room … however some of you super righteous white folks that condemn white supremacy actually participate in upholding certain structures that empower these groups.

So let’s play a little game! Answer the following questions and see where you fall when it comes to certain everyday scenarios.

You may not be a white supremacist, but …

1. – do you clutch your purse when a black man walks by?
2. – do you assume that a group of black kids are up to no good?
3. – do you get annoyed at the presence of a group of black women because you think they’re loud and obnoxious?
4. – do you question a black cashier and ask for the manager?
5. – do you get shocked when the black cashier is the manager?
6. – do you think black people are stealing your jobs?
7. – do you think black kids go to college for free?
8. – do you think black culture is non existent?
9. – do you think hip hop is not real music?
10. – do you think black people are aggressive?
11. – do you think black people be “doing too much”?
12. – do you think black parents are abusive as a whole?
13. – do you think people would look better if they had lighter skin?
14. – do you think natural hair is exotic?
15. – do you touch black peoples hair, skin, etc in amazement?
16. – do you say the n word when around your white peers? EVER?
17. – do you second guess your black coworkers opinion or suggestion for no legitimate reason?
18. – do you think black people are ruining this country?
19. – do you let Uncle Bill talk about black people at thanksgiving?
20. – do you say every pretty black girl looks like Beyoncé?
21. – do you tell black people they look like the one other black person you know?
22. – do you rant on Facebook about injustices done to black people but not live by example?
23. – do you demonstrate the white savior complex?
24. – do you think little black kids need white teachers?
25. – do you ignore the governments’ historical and current plots to destroy and control the black communities?
26. – do you make fun of black peoples names?
27. – do you ask “well what did he/she do?” when you hear about a black person being shot and killed by a police officer?
28. – do you say all lives matter?
29. – do you argue that black on black crime is a real issue in the black community in response to BLM?
30. – do you reminisce about going to a “dangerous” inner city when you were young and rebellious?
31. – do you teach in an inner city but know you’d never send your child to school there?
32. – do you get drunk and start using racial slurs?
33. – do you ignore the fact that inner cities are typically in run down areas with poor air quality and high exposure to chemicals?
34. – do you tell people you’re not racist because you have black friends?
35. – do you say “I don’t see color, I’m colorblind” or “love has no color”?
36. – do you think black people are lazy?
37. – do you think black women abuse government assistance?
38. – do you think the confederate flag and related statues are just a part of American history?
39. – do you refer to MLK when you talk about successful black people because he’s the only one you know?
40. – do you judge all black people based on the actions of one black person?
41. – do you think the idea of cultural appropriation is taking it too far?
42. – do you refer to black people or neighborhoods as ghetto?
43. – do you think President Obama was the black community’s reparations?
44. – do you think black people are stuck on the past? i.e. slavery and segregation
45. – do you truly believe that the orange man is responsible for our country being divided?
46. – do you empathize more with the victims of the holocaust than victims of slavery?
47. – do you think black history month is good enough?
48. – do you think it’s wrong that BET exists?
49. – do you grow tired of black people saying they’re oppressed?
50. – do you negatively judge a black person because they’ve done well for themselves?
51. – do you think black men are criminals that’s why a lot of them are in prison?
52. – do you think racism is old and dead?

Oh believe me I have more questions, but if you can answer yes to any ONE of these questions then you sir/ma’am are apart of a larger system that oppresses black people. This isn’t just for whites, this is for all races. The point I’m trying to make is that if you want to be a part of changing America then you need to check yourself first.

IMG_3130

7 Year Plan Update

Last year I wrote down my 7 year plan which includes the things that I want to accomplish by age 31. I wrote this list to keep me motivated and focused as I maneuver throughout life.

And since life is ever changing and I’m having a sweet baby girl this fall, I have decided to edit the plan and see what I’ve accomplished so far ✅. This allows me to praise myself just a bit and keep pushing forward.

I’ve also added some new goals and chosen specific ones that I want to achieve by the end of 2018 🔅. This way I won’t get overwhelmed with trying to accomplish all of my goals at once.

Personal Goals
✅ buy a car (my baby Snow)
– maintain a healthy body weight 🔅
– grow my locs to my shoulders 🔅
– eat mostly vegetables
✅ start a blog (which you’re reading right now)
✅ get a certificate in a trade or skill (certificate in Critical Issues in Urban Education and I’m currently enrolled at UMass)
– find a church home
✅ practice positivity (yoga and reading the Bible)
✅ relocate outside of NOLA
– relocate outside of CT

Financial Goals
– $15,000 saved in savings & investments
– lay the foundation of my own business 🔅

Fun Goals
– zip lining
– snorkeling
– visiting another country for 3 weeks to 2 months
– hiking somewhere famous 🔅
– camping with friends
– vacation with sisters and boyfriends
– visit Jamaica
– visit Greece
– visit Dominican Republic
– visit Virgin Islands
– visit DC 🔅
– visit Washington state 🔅

Family Goals
– long term relationship/engagement
– marriage
– moving in together
– buying a home/building a tiny home
✅ have kids (she’s almost here)

If you ever feel stuck or you’re just a list person like me I highly recommend that you create a long term plan and start checking off your accomplishments. Believe me, it feels great!

IMG_3130

Surprise! I’m …

PREGNANT! 33 weeks pregnant to be exact.

I’m definitely one of those people who likes to hold my information close to myself. I barely even wanted to tell family  … not because I was ashamed but because it was my business to tell. But anyone who has had their parents’ first grandchild knows that the news seems to find its way out anyway.

IMG_4525

This was me trying to be in control of loose lips 😂

After telling family, there was the whole debacle of when to share the news on social networks. A part of me wanted to post weekly updates because they were cute and pregnant women received a lot of love from their online friends. But there was another part of me that didn’t really care about that. Again, I’m a private person. So I settled on a compromise! I decided that I would finally make my mother to be status public when I completed my maternity photo shoot. And I stuck to that.

The amount of love and support I received was overwhelming, in a good way! I’m sure there’s plenty of moms to be who wonder if they should share their pregnancy with the public and honestly it’s a personal choice! Do whatever makes you comfortable.

IMG_4526IMG_4457IMG_4465IMG_4456IMG_4458

I’m not sure how much I’ll share with the world after giving birth – who knows, this blog could easily turn into a mommy blog. I guess we’ll just wait and see!

IMG_3130